she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
