Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
