Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom