i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.