bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet