I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president