I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I touched a dick in church today
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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