And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
