I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
