don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
