Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So squirting runs in the family.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
