So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
