I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
