I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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