i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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