why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
