i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
