I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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