my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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