My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
