just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
