he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My vagina is very pro this idea
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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