you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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