I think my vagina is haunted
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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