Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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