dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
