Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
