I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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