Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
