dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
