If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
