So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
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Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We are two peas in an std pod
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
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You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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