Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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