I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
