her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
