I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
