Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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