so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
