So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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