Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
