dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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