I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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