hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Me too!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
