I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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