We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
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but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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