While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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