My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
