I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
