Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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