stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
