please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Randomize
