My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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