Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
