I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
