I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
