bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
