I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
