I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
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Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
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his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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