His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
