it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
